I'm waiting for a miracle.
This is so hard to explain. When somebody waits for a miracle, there is a big chance of missing things that truly matter. Because of faith, he sees past through all the he thinks are unnecessary. I'm in that same spot. While everyone else is making a move, trying to prove themselves that they can do something, here I am waiting for the opportunity and the right moment to act, when I knew all along I should have acted long before. Still, I wait because I think things will be a lot better if I do.
What if I fail?
I am afraid of knowing the answer.
Slowly, I see myself regressing. This isn't what I want to put myself into but because of different consequences that I have to be responsible for, I cannot move forward. It's so frustrating.
I envy people who start doing things for themselves not because they want to but because they have to. I can't be entirely like them.
These days, I am a vacuole, or a big _________ that I need to fill up. It sucks.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Alvin celebrated his birthday last Wednesday. With some of our closest friends coming over after work, we dared defy the raging winds and the exaggerated flood filling the entire street right outside Alvin's house. The night started with a few songs which then led to a little kantiyawan over Alvin's preempted previous relationship with someone whose name I'd rather not mention. It was fun, as I missed being with these people who can actually talk rhetorically without even trying really hard to.
I fought so hard to pull back tears as I watched Cory's funeral procession dated Wednesday evening. It's been a long time since I realized how proud I am as a Filipino and now I felt it amidst the country's loss of a truly remarkable leader. She's a woman who has indeed shown the people that yes, Filipinos who are like her are worth fighting, living and dying for.
Inconsistencies never cease to baffle and frustrate me. In simple situations like salary computations, beliefs, opinions and emotions, love and friendship, I notice that people never become stuck to one train of thought. Everything depends upon other things and the hardest part about it is not the inconsistency per se, rather the adjustment that they have to make in order to understand it.
By nature, we are vain. We just don't want to confess because we perceive vanity as a negative term. Perhaps the negative part of being vain is its effects on other people who do not understand it.